the “problem of other minds” in the guardian
“In everyday life, the problem of other minds isn’t usually a problem: we assume everyone has one, and things mostly work out fine. Even so, it’s a useful reminder to be sceptical when it comes to our belief that we know what’s going on in other people’s heads. If we can’t be certain there’s a mind there at all, how much more dubious are the detailed assumptions we habitually make about what they’re thinking? The field of social psychology is a litany of the ways we get overconfident about our ability to read others’ minds, landing us in trouble.”
laurie anderson reflects on what one 21-year-long relationship looked like (rolling stone) :
“Lou and I played music together, became best friends and then soul mates, traveled, listened to and criticized each other’s work, studied things together (butterfly hunting, meditation, kayaking). We made up ridiculous jokes; stopped smoking 20 times; fought; learned to hold our breath underwater; went to Africa; sang opera in elevators; made friends with unlikely people; followed each other on tour when we could; got a sweet piano-playing dog; shared a house that was separate from our own places; protected and loved each other. We were always seeing a lot of art and music and plays and shows, and I watched as he loved and appreciated other artists and musicians. He was always so generous. He knew how hard it was to do. We loved our life in the West Village and our friends; and in all, we did the best we could do.
Like many couples, we each constructed ways to be – strategies, and sometimes compromises, that would enable us to be part of a pair. Sometimes we lost a bit more than we were able to give, or gave up way too much, or felt abandoned. Sometimes we got really angry. But even when I was mad, I was never bored. We learned to forgive each other. And somehow, for 21 years, we tangled our minds and hearts together.”
annie leibovitz, photo, 1995
how living in cities has changed the words we write, read and think in the atlantic
“…the evidence mostly comes from literature, a collection of 1,160,000 English-language popular and academic books published between 1800 and 2000. If American culture and psychology grew more individualistic as the country urbanized, wouldn’t that transformation be clear in the words from American books (and the concepts that lie behind them)?”
how reading literary fiction enhances our character in time
“… immersion is supported by the way the brain handles language rich in detail, allusion and metaphor: by creating a mental representation that draws on the same brain regions that would be active if the scene were unfolding in real life. The emotional situations and moral dilemmas that are the stuff of literature are also vigorous exercise for the brain, propelling us inside the heads of fictional characters and even, studies suggest, increasing our real-life capacity for empathy.”
the atlantic on facebook and loneliness:
1) don’t compare your inside to other people’s outsides
“But the price of this smooth sociability is a constant compulsion to assert one’s own happiness, one’s own fulfillment. Not only must we contend with the social bounty of others; we must foster the appearance of our own social bounty. Being happy all the time, pretending to be happy, actually attempting to be happy—it’s exhausting. ”
2) it’s not the tool, it’s the carpenter
“Facebook is merely a tool, he says, and like any tool, its effectiveness will depend on its user. “If you use Facebook to increase face-to-face contact,” he says, “it increases social capital.” So if social media let you organize a game of football among your friends, that’s healthy. If you turn to social media instead of playing football, however, that’s unhealthy…“Facebook can be terrific, if we use it properly,” Cacioppo continues. “It’s like a car. You can drive it to pick up your friends. Or you can drive alone.” But hasn’t the car increased loneliness? If cars created the suburbs, surely they also created isolation. “That’s because of how we use cars,” Cacioppo replies. “How we use these technologies can lead to more integration, rather than more isolation.””
photo:helmut newton
diane ackerman on the brain and love in the nyt
“Love is the best school, but the tuition is high and the homework can be painful.”
why some people don’t get married and why (maybe?) they should in the atlantic
“The benefits of marriage don’t seem to translate to cohabitation,” Bookwala says. “People who cohabitate do not enjoy the same health benefits that come with marriage. So we have to ask, what is it about the marital union that brings these benefits? The answer is still unclear.”
